//
var numQuotes = 36; // <=== Adjust the number of quotations here
var qt = null;
function initQuotes() {
qt = new initArray(numQuotes);
qt[1] = "He made for the cellar door, and presently reappeared, somewhat dusty, with a bottle of beer in each paw and another under each arm.
"Self-indulgent beggar you seem to be, Mole." he observed, "Deny yourself nothing." he replied.
Wind in the Willows.";
qt[2] = "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemmingway";
qt[3] = "Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Winston Churchill";
qt[4] = "He was a wise man who invented beer.
Plato";
qt[5] = "Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Catherine Zandonella";
qt[6] = "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W.C. Fields";
qt[7] = 'Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
His reply: "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."'
qt[8] = "If God had not intended us to drink beer, He would not have given us stomachs.
David Daye";
qt[9] = "Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Oscar Wilde";
qt[10] = "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman";
qt[11] = "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin";
qt[12] = "If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy";
qt[13] = "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry";
qt[14] = "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Humphrey Bogart";
qt[15] = "Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
David Moulton";
qt[16] = "People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI";
qt[17] = "Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
Kaiser Wilhelm";
qt[18] = "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Homer Simpson";
qt[19] = "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Dave Barry";
qt[20] = "I drink to make other people interesting.
George Jean Nathan";
qt[21] = "They who drink beer will think beer.
Washington Irving";
qt[22] = "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.
For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway";
qt[23] = "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean Martin";
qt[24] = "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
Homer Simpson";
qt[25] = "Homer: "Thanks for comming to my party...Wow, you brought a whole beer keg!"
Barney: "Yeah. Where can I fill it up ?"";
qt[26] = ""What is the taste of 1 IBU?"
Zen Judging";
qt[27] = ""In brewing it is the not the beer that matters, but the journey."
Zen Brewing";
qt[28] = ""Not every beer will win, but every beer MAY win."
Zen Judging";
qt[29] = ""It is the empty space within a glass which makes it useful."
Zen Brewing";
qt[30] = ""When the brewer is ready, the judge will come."
Zen Judging";
qt[31] = ""He who completely masters triple decoction mashing, understands everything."
Zen Brewing";
qt[32] = ""Of doctors and medicines we have in plenty more than enough... what you may send, for the Love of God, is some large quantity of beer.."
Dispatch from the Colony, New South Wales, 1854";
qt[33] = "In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength
In water there is bacteria.
German Proverb";
qt[34] = "You can only drink thirty or forty glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.
Adolphus Busch";
qt[35] = "With beer the spirit is kept in balance with the livers and blood.
Egyptian Medical Book";
qt[36] = "Bread is the staff of life, but beer is life itself.
Anonymous";
}
function getRandomNumber(n) {
//Returns a pseudorandom number between 1 and n
var today = new Date();
var bigNum = today.getSeconds() * today.getTime() * Math.sqrt(today.getMinutes());
var randNum = (bigNum % n) + 1;
return Math.floor(randNum);
}
function initArray(n) {
this.length = n;
for(var i = 1; i <= n; i++) {
this[i] = "";
}
return this;
}
function getRandomQuote() {
var idx = getRandomNumber(numQuotes);
return qt[idx];
}
function loadQuote() {
var theQuote = getRandomQuote();
document.write(theQuote);
}
initQuotes();
document.write(" ");
document.write(" Quote of the day");
document.write("
");
document.write("
");